When I was 19, I went on a big road trip with one of my good friends at the time. We started in Texas and made a ring of national parks. We befriended this pair of old couples in Arches National Park in Utah. They were from Colorado. One of them, Lenny, grew weed in his front yard. He had this gruff voice and gave us a nug of it in a little bag. He was like, “I want you boys to be careful.”
I was like, Well, we better try this because we’re on this trip. We’re about to go into the desert in New Mexico and camp out. I’m with my trusted friend. I’m far away from anyone else. I have food in case something goes wrong. That’s when I smoked for the first time.
It was a horrible, terrifying experience. Everything my parents had told me was right. Puked everywhere. In the sand in White Sands National Park, crawling on my hands and knees away from our tent. Puking for 10 minutes. And then I sat up and it felt like gravity had shifted. I was terrified to look behind me because I “knew” I was going to fall backwards along the surface of the earth and get shot into space. I looked up and the stars were shifting and swirling. It was terrifying.
I didn’t smoke again for two years. But slowly, towards the end of college, I started again in a more careful way. I think the weed we got from Lenny was way too strong. I had roommates who were big smokers and eventually I just tried in a much more controlled way. I smoked the littlest bit. It was so wonderful.
I was never an all day smoker, but in grad school I would work late into the night. Occasionally I would smoke at 10 PM, and then work until 4 AM. I really enjoyed the focus and creativity it gave me. It dulled enough noise to where I could really sink into what my hands were doing with the work. Explore things. But after grad school, I slowed down, and now I would say I’m not a smoker. I think it was great for me for several years. It really helped with stress and my creativity and productivity, but maybe two years ago, I stopped. It just changed. It didn’t make me focused or able to work for eight hours in a really productive, beautiful way. Instead, it made me nervous and really anxious and paranoid. Before it was this guide, and now it’s this foe.